WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
(As a die-hard Hip Hop addict, I strongly believe in the art of "Mash-Up Radio" IE: taking two completely different genres or sounds and blending (or "mashing") them together to form something new. This Press Conference skit is an example of MSD's "MASH-UP" wrestling. What you are about to read is word-for-word answers (unless bolded) from the mouth of the UNDISPUTED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. Credit for the orginal interview at the end).
"BROKEN CITY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING” (BCCW) is the newest Pro Wrestling endeavor to be launched in the North East – territorial hotbed and home to some of the most illustrious history in the game.
The return of the art to Broken City couldn’t have come at a more crucial time, as the recession continues and Television ratings stagnate. We’re in the home of gangsta rap, firearms and crack rocks – a place where we respect the HOOKERS and the SHOOTERS.
Joining us tonight for the first pre-show press conference, the legend LOU THESZ – who has held the Undisputed World Championship for a combined total of 10 years, 3 months and nine days (3,749 days total) – longer than anyone in HISTORY.
Among his many accomplishments, he is credited with inventing a number of professional wrestling moves such as the belly to back waistlock suplex (later known as the German suplex due to its association with Karl Gotch), the Lou Thesz press, STF and the original powerbomb. He is the UNDISPUTED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.
MSD: Mister THESZ? Welcome to BCCW. Can you tell us a little bit about the belt you currently hold?
LOU THESZ: The first time I won the Title it was the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship - not the NWA because the NWA didn't exist at that time. Anyway, there was a National Wrestling - not an Alliance - but a National Wrestling Association and that was composed of Athletic Commissioners appointed by the respective governing bodies of each State and this was known as the National Wrestling Association and they had a lot of clout - if you were suspended in California then you were also suspended in New York.
MSD: Well you’re here today in Money Massachusetts, and the man around these parts is a young brother by the name of JOHN CENA. What are your thoughts on him as a championship contender?
LOU THESZ: Well, with the advent of TV and so forth, the hype began and the rest of the story you know.
MSD: No, I don’t. Are you saying JOHN CENA is just TV hype?
LOU THESZ: Well, overexposure could be a problem, particularly with TV because its on the tube and they (World Wrestling Entertainment) run it over and over again kind of like a broken record. But so far as traveling internationally, you really kind of evade the problem because you're in so many different places like in India and Australia and they didn't have the TV situation like we do in this country, they do now but 25-30-40 years ago they didn't. But over-visibility is a real problem. Jack Dempsey once said, "...the wrestling game is going to hurt itself because you show it over and over again on TV", and he said, "How much rice can a Chinaman eat?" And it's true, you know. It's a repetition thing.
MSD: Now, pro wrestling sports entertainment is broadcast in more than 145 countries and 30 languages.
LOU THESZ: Traveling internationally is a very challenging thing especially with foreign referees, because you get a local boy and the referee's got to live in that town and no matter what happens you're not going to get preferential treatment, he is. That happens frequently. So that's when we had to come in with that rule about "No Title change under disqualification". They could disqualify you for using a legitimate hold. But anyway, it was a real adventure running around the world wrestling the local Champion. By the time we would get in with the local guys, the local Champion we knew if he was a wrestler or not because we hustled and worked out with some of the people he trained with, so it was an adventure and it was an exploration. Every one of them was a little different until video came out...
MSD: JOHN CENA is a 9-Time World Champion, 3x US champion and 2x Tag Team Champion. Surely that kind of impressive track record is evidence enough of his titanic wrestling abilities?
LOU THESZ: I didn't disagree with what he was doing at all as a matter of fact he was not a bad wrestler, a lot of people didn't know that, he was a pretty good heavyweight wrestler. So far as publicity and stuff, I thought the guy did a fantastic job of hyping himself and if anybody had challenged him at ringside they'd have made a big mistake because he’s like a buzzsaw. I saw him deck a lot of people. People think that because they wear a fancy robe and do something like show business, and you know, milking the people as it were that they don't have ability.
MSD: He’s also a big time Hollywood action film star too. I don’t know if you had a chance to view “The Marine” yet? Classic material.
LOU THESZ: Absolutely because it's mutual respect because when you get down to fine sand, which is an old expression they used to use, but it's the way we play the game. You can meet some great people, there'll be some movie people there … some of them are really the cream of the crop, really great people. People in the movie industry, we have a lot of big names, I think Kirk Douglas is going to be at my table this year.
MSD: We’ve had some tough negotiations with various wrestling deities throughout the time spectrum during this Draft Process – and we’ve found many of these men severely lacking in testicular fortitude to make the commitment. What are your thoughts on young champions like JACK SWAGGER and DESMOND WOLFE (aka NIGEL MCGUINNESS) accepting the Broken City Throwdown?
LOU THESZ: They came along just about ten years after I came off the road, I was still wrestling some matches but I didn't go on the road. Both of them are great athletes, both of them are damn good wrestlers and great all around athletes and I'm very good friends with both of them and I admire both of them a lot.
MSD: Let me get some of your thoughts on the wrestlers not man enough to make the trip…
LOU THESZ: Oh well sure, I wrestled them all. I wrestled Funk and also Race in Japan. And Terry, Terry Funk I wrestled him somewhere in Texas.
MSD: How about KURT ANGLE?
LOU THESZ: KURT ANGLE? The wig-wearing, McMahon-kissing circus clown? People call him a great wrestler… please... Now GEORGE TRAGOS - he was a great wrestler, three time Olympian, and the greatest in this country from Greece and represented Greece in two Olympics and the United States in one. A super wrestler and learned a little bit later by taking on all comers in carnivals and circuses and so forth, he learned the art in this country and they all exchanged these things and just to perpetuate the sport in this country why they would torture each other. And little by little, in England they had some very good wrestlers at that time and they'd just go up and down the road with the carnivals and circuses and clean everybody's plow because they'd have a good wrestler and a good fighter with each show.
And I really wanted to get into that when I was a youngster about 17 - 18 but that when Ed "Strangler" Lewis and Ray Steele and George Tragos they counseled with me and told me not to do it because it would lower my image. Looked like I had something coming because at that time there was a kind of pecking order with the wrestlers and, I don't want to say this boastfully, but the people who could really wrestle were the ones who emerged. Today that's another story...
MSD: There’s a guy, DKBroiler who’s corralled the services of BRUNO SAMMARTINO by promising him a much more relaxed schedule…
LOU THESZ: When I was NWA Champion I wrestled him in Toronto, Canada… (Frank) Tunny was the promoter.
MSD: What type of match?
LOU THESZ: It was a wrestling match, it lasted about 30 minutes and I pinned him.
MSD: Wow, so you’ve done it all so far. Except compete in the Broken City Slaughterhouse, where true wrestling reigns. Where we respect the Hookers and Shooters.
Lou Thesz: I'd say about a halfway shot. The ones that you mentioned are not really died-in-the-wool wrestlers, and they may be advertised as such, but if you're talking about hookers, well no...
MSD: Have you ever been to Broken City?
Lou Thesz: Studio City, at the Sportsman's Lodge. And this is kind of a coincidence, when I used to wrestle out there 35-40 years ago I used to go to the Sportsman's Lodge for dinner - it was the favorite place for the movie stars, but I didn't go there for that, I went there because they had the best food in town. They had, like a moat and it was filled with rainbow trout, so you would catch your own trout, give it to your waiter, he would give it to the chef and fifteen minutes later you'd have it on the table.
MSD: Have you heard about the guys that drafted HULK HOGAN and ULTIMATE WARRIOR?
LOU THESZ: Oh yeah, sure, up around Minnesota. Sure, if you didn't have any money and nowhere else to go you'd go to work for the carnivals. You could feed the elephants or wrestle... (laughs)
MSD: Can you tell us the difference between men of your breed, and softer guys - the "carnival people" - who lack heart, like BROCK LESNAR or GOLDBERG?
LOU THESZ: Well, the carnival people were there to entertain people, not to lose money. They were not too fond of that idea, but nevertheless they would take on all comers and as I said earlier, they would always have one knockout fighter in there and one wrestler who really knew how to take care of himself, they were called "Hookers" - they knew how to hurt people is what I was trying to say. They could go in there and have an exhibition with someone and if he wasn't too tough they could have a real nice match and entertain the people and so forth, but if it was a heads up contest, and it became a matter of who could take care of themselves and who could not, and some of these people were really tough customers, and they'd break your arm or a leg in a heartbeat without taking a deep breath because they may have lost $2, you know?
MSD: I do. Well the draft wheel continues to spin, and I want to thank you Mr. Thesz for taking time out of your busy training schedule to attend this press conference.
LOU THESZ: It could be a tough call...
MSD: Well you’re back, you’re in the best physical condition of your life and you have a lot to prove in our new Testing Ground. How will your story end?
LOU THESZ: Well it’s my life of running up and down the road, formerly an amateur wrestler and then somebody offered to pay me for doing what I liked doing most, and I went ahead and did it. It's just the story of a young wrestler who survived living in the Depression. The Depression was a very difficult time, this country was in big trouble and a man with a family, if he could get a $10 a week job he was lucky, you know.
MSD: And now we’ve got Fantasy GM’s hiring slobs like RAVEN… MICK FOLEY…and drunks like the SANDMAN… it’s like they’ve got no pride in themselves or their organizations.
LOU THESZ: Oh yes, and these people took a lot of pride in what they did and they would give you the knowledge, it was unbelievable because you could not pay them to do it, they either wanted to do it or they did not, and to use that word "professional wrestling' is what they wanted to do... It gets to be your livelihood...
MSD: Nowadays, guys like THE MIZ and RANDY ORTON are considered top-shelf talent. Both of them went ahead of YOU in this draft!
LOU THESZ: Nevertheless we went up and down the road, we look back now and in retrospect we say it was tough, but we didn't think so because that's the way it was... [b]and I’m about to show these young bucks just how it is. [/b]
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Suddenly, the press conference is thrown into a tizzy when a belligerent (and slightly buzzing) BOBBY “the BRAIN” HEENAN makes his way into the press row. At first he’s talking on a cellphone.
BOBBY “the BRAIN” HEENAN:
That’s right, tickets are going on sale.
Well don’t get smart with me, I’ll slap you in the mouth.
Do you want me to knock ya down???
…I’ll talk to you later mom”.
MSD: What are YOU doing here, HEENAN???
HEENAN: How about THIS? (holds up a second title, indistinguishable from afar). This happens to be the REAL championship belt!!!
MSD: That’s not LOU THESZ’s Undisputed Heavyweight Championship!!!
HEENAN: You’re right. Comparing THIS belt to LOU THESZ’s belt would be like comparing ice cream to horse manure.
(Nervous gasps of shock and awe are exchanged throughout the hall)
HEENAN: Comparing the men who wear these belts would ALSO be like comparing ice cream to horse manure.
(LOU THESZ becomes visibly angry)
HEENAN: See, the man who holds this belt right now is under contract to another organization. But in the very near future he may be coming to BROKEN CITY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING. This man is also a longtime, dear personal friend of mine.
MSD: Does he have a name???
HEENAN: YES, he has a name! This man has challenged you, THESZ, on many occasions – unanswered – may I add. You wanna compare them? Fine. Then let’s compare LOU THESZ… to…
(HEENAN’s mic is abruptly cut off when a power surge knocks out the electricity in the hall. Minor chaos ensues as LOU THESZ must be physically restrained from knocking over the press conference table and throttling HEENAN, who thumbs his nose at authority and is ushered out of the building through the back door (still cradling the “REAL” world championship belt)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Later that same day, JOHN CENA tweeted his response to LOU THESZ’s comments:
JOHN CENA: Social networks were formed so people would have a voice, and an opinion. I know you all have your own, theories and whatnot. I respect that. I have never asked any of you to feel a certaint way about me. I agree with the majority of you who are caught off guard by this choice. I know I'm not exactly appreciated by all, nor do I care to be, but I believe what I believe. I was taught to stand up for what I beileve in. I tried and failed, so I could use some help. Tell me how to sign and I will. If for nothing else, to at least have a chance to have a match with him after what was done. I know that seems a bit more fair. Give me a chance to have a fair match with him. Sorry for the long message, I know I am probally way out of line, I am sorry if I have offended anyone. But like me or not That is what Hustle. Loyalty. And most importantly Respect means to me.
CREDITS:
(LOU THESZ quotes: Copyright 1998 - Jeremy Hartley and Jump City Productions.
JOHN CENA quotes: Twitter reaction to release of DANIEL BRYAN)
