UFC 114: EVANS versus JACKSON

It was a night of devastating truths. On a card littered with big names, the only thing missing was big name opponents. Call this “New Blood Rising”. Smarks call it the proverbial “smashing of the glass ceiling”. New big names like “Hitman” (there’s 2 of them, one an official winner – one winner by losing), RUSSOW and “Snake” are now more than blips on the casual fans radar.

A look at the line-up as it appeared (the injury bug realigned a few match-ups), and there’s not a lot to gain for the big UFC superstars. DIEGO SANCHEZ was looking to rebound from his loss to the (former) champion BJ PENN, freshly-minted Heavyweight Superstar TODD DUFFEE was set to break his own record for Fastest KO, and LIL NOG suddenly got a major talent downgrade when his original opponent FORREST GRIFFIN was injured. So that’s a lot of tomato cans for the UFC’s prime beef to devour. Tonight was their night, their time to shine and reclaim (or exacerbate) their own personal glories. But the Fight Game can be a fickle mistress; you never know how she’ll blow.

The night’s first surprise came during the opening televised prelim featuring DAN LAUZON versus EFRAIN ESCUDERO, when JOE ROGAN announced a beef between the LAUZON brothers (DAN & JOE) over training time. Older brother JOE wasn’t even in his bros corner for the fight. EFRAIN ESCUDERO did his job as expected, setting the tone – or so we thought – for the rest of the evening, when he dismantled a tiring DAN LAUZON over the course of three rounds for the decision victory. And vindication for his cringe-worthy submission loss to EVAN DUNHAM last time out. As expected.

Things started getting a little odd during the second prelim fight when the Korean “Stun Gun” tangled with AMIR SADALLOH in a match seemingly designed to showcase AMIR’s precision and technical expertise. Instead, DONG HYUN KIM – the “Stun Gun” – beat the former ULTIMATE FIGHTER winner for 3 rounds in route to the decision victory. Unbeknownst to most watching, THIS would be the fight to set the tone for the rest of the bizarre evening.

In DIEGO SANCHEZ’s big return to 170 lbs, he was unceremoniously beaten, outclassed and outmaneuvered by a 22 year old English kid who’s never fought in the US before. Although it’s his 4th win in the UFC, JOHN “The HItman” HATHAWAY never had a bigger win or greater showing.

Next, ANTONIO ROGERIO NOGUEIRA took to the cage for his match with the lightly-rated JASON BRILZ, who took the fight on short notice and proved “when you get a chance in this game – YOU TAKE IT”. He beat NOGUEIRA all night. He was faster, punched harder and more effectively, had great submission attempts and sticky defense as well, refusing to cave in and showering the suddenly mortal LITTLE NOG with smiles and grins as the battle continued. But for some reason, the crooked refs called the decision in LITTLE NOG’s favor – much to everybody’s chagrin, ESPECIALLY the audience. So “Hitman” JASON BRILZ wins much more than the “L” on his record shows, in the eyes of everybody who watched UFC 114.

Continuing the trend of fight clichés, the TODD DUFFEE/MIKE RUSSOW bout proved “every fighter has a punchers chance!!!” The dumpy, plump MIKE RUSSOW took a violent pounding for three rounds from the young hoss TODD DUFFEE (who looks absolutely chiseled from granite). But in the middle of round 3, MIKE RUSSOW caught DUFFEE with a punch to the temple that treated the UFC record holder like a shotgun blast victim. TODD DUFFEE’s unconscious body careened to the canvas backfirst spread eagle like he was popped in the head from close range, body cold before it hits the ground. Violence. RUSSOW threw a half-hearted little paw swipe at his face on the mat just to be sure, but it was a mere formality. TODD DUFFEE was OUT and JOE ROGAN was bouncing around the booth declaring that moment “the craziest thing I’ve seen in 1,000 fights!!!”

MICHAEL BISPING did his thing as expected, playing to the crowd as a heel and thoroughly demolishing DAN MILLER through 3 rounds for the unanimous decision. The only real moment of drama came before the first bell, when BISPING went face-to-face with MILLER and shoved him. This is MILLER’s third loss in a row, and he looked MUCH worse for the wear after the fight. BISPING wins, about the only thing that went according to plan this evening. Also in the prelims, MELVIN GUILLARD ended his fight with a vicious knee to the body, and CYRILLE DIABATE kept up the night's momentum by getting the shocking underdog victory over LUIS CANE by highlight reel combination KO.

Finally, the main event of SUGA RASHAD EVANS versus RAMPAGE JACKSON did not completely live up to the hype. But of course, actual homicide probably couldn’t have lived up to the expectations these two created in the years it took to build this bout. RASHAD opened the fight with a glorious right hand that sent RAMPAGE careening into the fence, nearly unconscious. RASHAD swooped in on him, but couldn’t finish the fight. They grappled and struggled, and ref HERB DEAN even separated them a few times due to inactivity. But they pushed the pace back-n-forth, until the start of the 3rd round when RAMPAGE answered back with his own brutal assortment of shots that nearly finished RASHAD with the TKO. But he held on, weathered the storm, and even as the crowd tried to egg RAMPAGE on, RASHAD recovered enough to win a decision victory over a visibly winded RAMPAGE. Neither was particularly worse for the wear, but they had engaged in a war that didn’t end with a customary pound or hug. They offered grudging respect, but both concluded the other could still “kiss my ass”.

Overall it was a good show, filled with surprises. Not as good top to bottom as UFC 113, but the wheels are set in motion for some new exciting fighters to build on their newfound name brand recognition. The biggest newsworthy occurrence is the very real possibility RASHAD EVANS will be the next in line to challenge SHOGUN RUA for the title.

Until next time!!!

BORN TO BE WIRED (Terry Funk vs Sabu)

The mat is all blue. Ring ropes have been replaced by razor sharp barbed wire. ECW regulars fill out the backdrop. FUNK wears tights and a T-shirt, SABU only in his Arabian balloon pants. This is going to be fun.

They circle cautiously while BILL ALPHONSO makes a spectacle of himself outside the ring. TERRY FUNK gets a massive pop. Match begins with SABU cornering FUNK in the corner, while both remain cautious to engage. A few jabs from FUNK whiff, and it’s a pseudo-MMA start. FUNK in a boxing stance, not wrestling. SABU misses the dropkick to the leg and FUNK wisely follows him to the mat with a leg lock. SABU fights back with punches, but that only aggravates the FUNKER, so he picks SABU up off the mat and shows him how it’s done, with stiff punches and an irish whip towards the barbed wire strands!!! But SABU puts on the brakes and walks it off. Close call!


They circle again. SABU lunges in with a kick to the gut and tries to whip FUNK into the barbed wire! But FUNK dives to the mat, and slides under the barbed wire rope safely to the outside. He points to his head so we all know who’s got the brains here. Slowly he makes his way back in, but SABU stomps the crap out of him and locks in the Camel Clutch. Ref waves off the bell so SABU breaks the hold, and Funk is right back up. They circle, lock up and now FUNK takes control with a reverse neck breaker.

HUGE piledriver from FUNK that spikes SABU to the mat in a dramatic moment. DDT continues the ferocity and FUNK thinks it’s time. He drags SABU by the hair to the barbed wire strands and tries to shove his face into it! But SABU reverses with an elbow to the belly and then tries to return the favor by running FUNKS face into the ropes!! But FUNK blocks it with his hands and the crowd intensity is building. Chops from SABU but FUNK still won’t go into the wire. So SABU punches him and hits him with a hurricanrana for 1… 2…. FUNK kicks out with authority propelling SABU’s unclothed torso into the barbed wire strands! Our first taste of metal!

ALPHONSO checks on his charge while SABU is seemingly stunned by the turn of events. FUNK hammers him down and this time SUCCESSFULLY savages SABU’s face by grinding into the barbed wire strands!!! SABU rolls across the ring in uncontrollable pain. SABU is bleeding from the forehead. TERRY FUNK picks him up off the mat and flings him back first into the barbed wire strands, in an infamous moment immortalized on countless ECW montages and greatest hits packages. SABU is crucified upon the barbed wire ropes! The brutality!!! He peels himself off the ropes and FUNK is right on top of him. Scoops SABU up into an atomic drop position… before CROTCHING him on the barbed wire ropes! Crowd sickly appreciative.

SABU can’t even untangle himself so FUNK offers a hand by ripping his damn pants off and shredding his testicles. SABU is wearing pants like ZACH RYDER now (circa 2010). Another horrifying Irish whip across the ring impales SABU again back first into the barbed wire strands on the opposite side of the ring. Something is dreadfully wrong as the barbed wire VISBILY pierces SABU’s right forearm and STICKS there like it’s ripping a flannel shirt. But it’s SABU’s skin!

SABU peels himself off and the ref checks on him. To their feet, TERRY FUNK hits the juking jabs combo before flooring SABU with a left hand. FUNK plays to the blood-thirsty crowd and stands over SABU with his fist raised. Drags SABU to his feet and now its RIC FLAIR chop time. WHOOOOO!!! Feeling cocky and with the match under his control, FUNK sets SABU up for another Irish whip – but SABU reverses and finally it’s TERRY FUNK who finds himself entangled in the barbed wire!!!

He dramatically sells the pain as SABU makes sure he’s all tied up. His shirt is sticking to the barbs as he tries to escape, so SABU slams him with a steel chair to the back a few times. FUNK crawls to the center of the ring but 2 more chair shots put him down. SABU sets up the chair in sitting position before taking the time to visibly blade FUNK along the barbed wire strands. Now SABU has a weapon. He stabs FUNK in the forehead with the prison shank and the horror continues.

FUNK in 619-position along the barbed wire strands, so SABU streaks across the ring and propels himself off the steel chair (he had previously set up) with a flying leg lariat, pushing FUNK even further into the tangle of razor sharp barbed wire. “E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!!!” SABU plays to the crowd and goes for the pin. Only 2.

FUNK drags himself to his feet but SABU is on him with punches, driving him into the turnbuckle where the FUNKER is cornered. SABU quickly realigns the steel chair to set up FUNK for another leg lariat. But this time, FUNK moves and SABU crashes recklessly into the barbed wire with full force!!! He shreds his arm!!! Calls out for aid from BILL ALPHONSO on the outside, while FUNK rolls around in mock pain buying him time. Close-up of the wound on SABU’s bicep is pretty saucy. FUNK over with a few weak punches to SABU’s head and then goes for the cover. Nothing.

ALPHONSO returns with the athletic tape and SABU makes a hasty tourniquet while FUNK sets up two chairs in the ring. SABU can’t even finish wrapping up the wound before FUNK picks him up and hits a reverse neckbreaker on the two chairs. SABU still frantically trying to tie up his arm. FUNK slowly fuollows up. Suddenly SABU flares to life and the two engage ina spirited duke out. FUNK wins, his final punch driving SABU back to the mat. FUNK (bloodied face and all) taunts SABU.

FUNK just flails away at SABU who bails to the outside of the ring. FUNK follows and they brawl outside by the fans. FUNK gouges SABU’s face into the barbed wire again before rolling him back int eh ring. Now FUNK has the ankle and administers the spinning toe hold! But he’s forced to quickly break it when ALPHONSO hops to the ring apron. So FUNK attempts to drag him over the top rope into the ring, but its barbed wire! So ALPHONSO gets stuck and painfully jerked! SABU from behind but FUNK counters into a suplex… but then DROPS SABU chest and stomach first onto the barbed wire ropes! BRUTAL! ALPHONSO gets slapped around for fun, with FUNK ripping his shirt off entirely and raking his bare back with a weapon. ALPHONSO rolls out of the ring, so FUNK grabs the wire cutters and cuts himself a nice strand of barbed wire to use.

He begins WHIPPING SABU with the wire, causing SABU at one point to get his hair and head momentarily stuck in the wire. FUNK chases ALPHONSO back outside where he goes into the guardrail and onto a wooden table (that falls over). FUNK is all over ALPHONSO on the outside, giving SABU enough time to cut his own strand of barbed wire and catch FUNK crawling back into the ring with it. Punches and jabs with the barbed wire to FUNK’s head put him back on the mat. Suddenly RVD runs in and SABU gives him the go head to ground and pound FUNK, which he does - kicking him all the way out of the ring where ALPHONSO resets up the fallen table. Now FUNK is completely wrapped in barbed wire. The wire even sticks to the ring apron, which RVD has major trouble trying to dislodge. FUNK is absolutely wrapped to death in barbed wire, and RVD hammers him into position on the table… where SABU flies over the ropes and crashes into FUNK (wrapped in wire) with a legdrop, driving them both through the table and to the hard concrete floor!

But here’s TOMMY DREAMER for the save! He clobbers RVD with a trash can lid just out of camera range.
He slings RVD over his shoulder cave-man style and drags him out of the arena while FUNK (still wrapped in barbed wire) and SABU re-enter the ring. SABU tries to cover him for the pin, but the dude is wrapped in barbed wire! So he can’t! Pulls FUNK very gingerly to the outside of the ring and rests him on another conveniently placed table. Crowd swells with enthusiasm as SABU rockets across the ring to grab MORE barbed wire strands and wraps his own body in them. Then he leg drops FUNK from the ring apron through the table, both men completely engulfed in barbed wire!!! The ring apron, SABU’s pants and FUNKS clothes are completely shredded along with copious amounts of human flesh. Both men are STUCK together with the barbed wire! The ref tries to unwrap them to no avail. So he and ALPHONSO just heave the two men back into the ring where they are like Barbed-wire Siamese twins. There is a LONG stretch of time with both wrestlers just trying to get untangled. It’s painful just to watch.

BILL ALPHONSO has to break out the wire cutters to free them in another long, potential crowd-killing moment. Now the ring fills up with people who try to help untangle them. Finally, TOMMY DREAMER is out to help as well. These dudes are caught and cut up, to be sure. Answers the old question “how many medics does it take to cut two men out of barbed wire?” The answer is about half a dozen. Various camera close-ups illustrate how gruesome and painful this actually is. Finally they are separated and the crowd cheers. The main event for ECW’s “Born To Be Wired” lives up to the billing.