The mat is all blue. Ring ropes have been replaced by razor sharp barbed wire. ECW regulars fill out the backdrop. FUNK wears tights and a T-shirt, SABU only in his Arabian balloon pants. This is going to be fun.
They circle cautiously while BILL ALPHONSO makes a spectacle of himself outside the ring. TERRY FUNK gets a massive pop. Match begins with SABU cornering FUNK in the corner, while both remain cautious to engage. A few jabs from FUNK whiff, and it’s a pseudo-MMA start. FUNK in a boxing stance, not wrestling. SABU misses the dropkick to the leg and FUNK wisely follows him to the mat with a leg lock. SABU fights back with punches, but that only aggravates the FUNKER, so he picks SABU up off the mat and shows him how it’s done, with stiff punches and an irish whip towards the barbed wire strands!!! But SABU puts on the brakes and walks it off. Close call!
They circle again. SABU lunges in with a kick to the gut and tries to whip FUNK into the barbed wire! But FUNK dives to the mat, and slides under the barbed wire rope safely to the outside. He points to his head so we all know who’s got the brains here. Slowly he makes his way back in, but SABU stomps the crap out of him and locks in the Camel Clutch. Ref waves off the bell so SABU breaks the hold, and Funk is right back up. They circle, lock up and now FUNK takes control with a reverse neck breaker.
HUGE piledriver from FUNK that spikes SABU to the mat in a dramatic moment. DDT continues the ferocity and FUNK thinks it’s time. He drags SABU by the hair to the barbed wire strands and tries to shove his face into it! But SABU reverses with an elbow to the belly and then tries to return the favor by running FUNKS face into the ropes!! But FUNK blocks it with his hands and the crowd intensity is building. Chops from SABU but FUNK still won’t go into the wire. So SABU punches him and hits him with a hurricanrana for 1… 2…. FUNK kicks out with authority propelling SABU’s unclothed torso into the barbed wire strands! Our first taste of metal!
ALPHONSO checks on his charge while SABU is seemingly stunned by the turn of events. FUNK hammers him down and this time SUCCESSFULLY savages SABU’s face by grinding into the barbed wire strands!!! SABU rolls across the ring in uncontrollable pain. SABU is bleeding from the forehead. TERRY FUNK picks him up off the mat and flings him back first into the barbed wire strands, in an infamous moment immortalized on countless ECW montages and greatest hits packages. SABU is crucified upon the barbed wire ropes! The brutality!!! He peels himself off the ropes and FUNK is right on top of him. Scoops SABU up into an atomic drop position… before CROTCHING him on the barbed wire ropes! Crowd sickly appreciative.
SABU can’t even untangle himself so FUNK offers a hand by ripping his damn pants off and shredding his testicles. SABU is wearing pants like ZACH RYDER now (circa 2010). Another horrifying Irish whip across the ring impales SABU again back first into the barbed wire strands on the opposite side of the ring. Something is dreadfully wrong as the barbed wire VISBILY pierces SABU’s right forearm and STICKS there like it’s ripping a flannel shirt. But it’s SABU’s skin!
SABU peels himself off and the ref checks on him. To their feet, TERRY FUNK hits the juking jabs combo before flooring SABU with a left hand. FUNK plays to the blood-thirsty crowd and stands over SABU with his fist raised. Drags SABU to his feet and now its RIC FLAIR chop time. WHOOOOO!!! Feeling cocky and with the match under his control, FUNK sets SABU up for another Irish whip – but SABU reverses and finally it’s TERRY FUNK who finds himself entangled in the barbed wire!!!
He dramatically sells the pain as SABU makes sure he’s all tied up. His shirt is sticking to the barbs as he tries to escape, so SABU slams him with a steel chair to the back a few times. FUNK crawls to the center of the ring but 2 more chair shots put him down. SABU sets up the chair in sitting position before taking the time to visibly blade FUNK along the barbed wire strands. Now SABU has a weapon. He stabs FUNK in the forehead with the prison shank and the horror continues.
FUNK in 619-position along the barbed wire strands, so SABU streaks across the ring and propels himself off the steel chair (he had previously set up) with a flying leg lariat, pushing FUNK even further into the tangle of razor sharp barbed wire. “E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!!!” SABU plays to the crowd and goes for the pin. Only 2.
FUNK drags himself to his feet but SABU is on him with punches, driving him into the turnbuckle where the FUNKER is cornered. SABU quickly realigns the steel chair to set up FUNK for another leg lariat. But this time, FUNK moves and SABU crashes recklessly into the barbed wire with full force!!! He shreds his arm!!! Calls out for aid from BILL ALPHONSO on the outside, while FUNK rolls around in mock pain buying him time. Close-up of the wound on SABU’s bicep is pretty saucy. FUNK over with a few weak punches to SABU’s head and then goes for the cover. Nothing.
ALPHONSO returns with the athletic tape and SABU makes a hasty tourniquet while FUNK sets up two chairs in the ring. SABU can’t even finish wrapping up the wound before FUNK picks him up and hits a reverse neckbreaker on the two chairs. SABU still frantically trying to tie up his arm. FUNK slowly fuollows up. Suddenly SABU flares to life and the two engage ina spirited duke out. FUNK wins, his final punch driving SABU back to the mat. FUNK (bloodied face and all) taunts SABU.
FUNK just flails away at SABU who bails to the outside of the ring. FUNK follows and they brawl outside by the fans. FUNK gouges SABU’s face into the barbed wire again before rolling him back int eh ring. Now FUNK has the ankle and administers the spinning toe hold! But he’s forced to quickly break it when ALPHONSO hops to the ring apron. So FUNK attempts to drag him over the top rope into the ring, but its barbed wire! So ALPHONSO gets stuck and painfully jerked! SABU from behind but FUNK counters into a suplex… but then DROPS SABU chest and stomach first onto the barbed wire ropes! BRUTAL! ALPHONSO gets slapped around for fun, with FUNK ripping his shirt off entirely and raking his bare back with a weapon. ALPHONSO rolls out of the ring, so FUNK grabs the wire cutters and cuts himself a nice strand of barbed wire to use.
He begins WHIPPING SABU with the wire, causing SABU at one point to get his hair and head momentarily stuck in the wire. FUNK chases ALPHONSO back outside where he goes into the guardrail and onto a wooden table (that falls over). FUNK is all over ALPHONSO on the outside, giving SABU enough time to cut his own strand of barbed wire and catch FUNK crawling back into the ring with it. Punches and jabs with the barbed wire to FUNK’s head put him back on the mat. Suddenly RVD runs in and SABU gives him the go head to ground and pound FUNK, which he does - kicking him all the way out of the ring where ALPHONSO resets up the fallen table. Now FUNK is completely wrapped in barbed wire. The wire even sticks to the ring apron, which RVD has major trouble trying to dislodge. FUNK is absolutely wrapped to death in barbed wire, and RVD hammers him into position on the table… where SABU flies over the ropes and crashes into FUNK (wrapped in wire) with a legdrop, driving them both through the table and to the hard concrete floor!
But here’s TOMMY DREAMER for the save! He clobbers RVD with a trash can lid just out of camera range.
He slings RVD over his shoulder cave-man style and drags him out of the arena while FUNK (still wrapped in barbed wire) and SABU re-enter the ring. SABU tries to cover him for the pin, but the dude is wrapped in barbed wire! So he can’t! Pulls FUNK very gingerly to the outside of the ring and rests him on another conveniently placed table. Crowd swells with enthusiasm as SABU rockets across the ring to grab MORE barbed wire strands and wraps his own body in them. Then he leg drops FUNK from the ring apron through the table, both men completely engulfed in barbed wire!!! The ring apron, SABU’s pants and FUNKS clothes are completely shredded along with copious amounts of human flesh. Both men are STUCK together with the barbed wire! The ref tries to unwrap them to no avail. So he and ALPHONSO just heave the two men back into the ring where they are like Barbed-wire Siamese twins. There is a LONG stretch of time with both wrestlers just trying to get untangled. It’s painful just to watch.
BILL ALPHONSO has to break out the wire cutters to free them in another long, potential crowd-killing moment. Now the ring fills up with people who try to help untangle them. Finally, TOMMY DREAMER is out to help as well. These dudes are caught and cut up, to be sure. Answers the old question “how many medics does it take to cut two men out of barbed wire?” The answer is about half a dozen. Various camera close-ups illustrate how gruesome and painful this actually is. Finally they are separated and the crowd cheers. The main event for ECW’s “Born To Be Wired” lives up to the billing.
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